


I'd Take A Bullet For You

by salty_limeade



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Ima newbie, M/M, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader is a bodyguard, Reader is kinda badass, Self-Insert, idk - Freeform, ima add to these as we go, maybe future smut, pls send help, reader is female, slight angst, traumatic past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2019-11-21 14:45:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18143576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salty_limeade/pseuds/salty_limeade
Summary: If someone had walked up to you and said you would have taken up a job offer as a bodyguard for the King and Queen of monsters, you would have laughed.If they told you that you would fall for a lazy skeleton, you would have called them crazy.And if they told you that your past would come back to haunt you.....you would have told them it already had.[DISCONTINUED]





	1. New Employer

_cold. everything was cold. the floor, your body, the air. there was water dripping from above somewhere._

 

_drip._

 

_Drip._

 

_DRIP._

 

Your eyes snapped open as your alarm clock started to screech at you with its’ incessant beeping. You groggily fumbled with your covers in a attempt to shut the stupid thing up. After shuffling on across your carpeted floor to the mahogany dresser to slam your hand down on top of the alarm clock, you looked at the time and let out a aggravated hiss. It was 7:30 A.M and here you were up and awake when you could be sleeping under your nice, soft, still warm blankets. It made you grumble at the unfairness of the world. But you knew Mettaton wasn’t one to wait.

 

It had been eight months since monsters broke the barrier and having been fired by your employer shortly after, you decided to place an ad for your...services in the Ebott Tribute. No sooner than a week later you had received a call pertaining to it. The caller asked you all sorts of questions such as if you were willing to work for monsters, which you were, and if you had done this sort of thing before. Apparently satisfied with your answers, the caller told you to promptly meet them at a specified address and then hung up.

 

A little wary at first, you drove through Ebott to arrive at a large apartment complex. Its’ shiny chrome exterior screamed wealthy, and the plush _waiting room_ that was being manned by a rather dolled up secretary only placed emphasis on that fact. After the secretary gave you quick instructions to the penthouse your potential future employer lived in, your sense of unease only increased.

 

The elevator ride was uneventful besides from you jammin’ to the tropical music that was lightly playing over the intercom. After arriving on the penthouse level your eyes were assaulted with an explosion of color compared to your grey and arguably dreary apartment. To your right was a massive u-shaped couch that was made of white upholstered leather with a glass oval shaped coffee table that rested atop what appeared to be a polar bear hide. It was all facing a giant floor to ceiling window that had a gorgeous view of the mountain the town was named after, Ebott. After craning your neck to your left you were greeted with a small kitchen that looked recently polished. The marble countertops worked well with the white egg shaped chairs adorning the island placed towards the center of the kitchen. Stepping out of the elevator you noticed four marble columns that spiraled up to meet at the center of the ceiling, popping against the vibrant pink walls. You had to admit, whoever this guy was, he had class.

 

Speaking of him, you were about to meet the monster who would change your life.

 

“Ah, there you are darling!” You spun around to be faced with a rather tall robot. His flawless black hair draped over one side of his face, pink eye staring down at you. He had his gloved hands on his hips, legs covered in form-fitting latex that ended in pink boots with break-your-neck  heels.

 

You had met a great friend that day. He had required a bodyguard and you required a client. (Despite what you believed you couldn’t live off of ramen forever). It was the perfect setup. Unlike previous employers, he asked you for advice and made sure to listen to your opinions and you tried your best to do the same. Overtime the two of you grew closer, well, as close as a bodyguard and their target can become. But you enjoyed his company which was enough for you.

 

Three sharp knocks on your door brought you out of your reminiscence. Putting your hair into a quick ponytail you went to answer the door and-

 

“Hello darling!” Mettaton stated, wrapping you in a warm embrace before strutting into your apartment. _Speak of the devil himself_. You chuckled at his eccentricity before closing and locking the door behind him.

 

“Howdy MTT, what brings ya here?” You questioned as you began to prepare some hot chocolate. (You hated coffee with a burning passion).

 

He turned to you with a huff, lips pouting in a child-like fashion. Today he was wearing a expensive looking rabbit-fur coat complimented with a white ruffled blouse. His white, jewel encrusted heels gave him an extra inch, making him about a head taller than you.

 

“Do you not know what today is?!” He looked at you incredulously. You shrugged.

 

“Not a clue.” You smiled again as he threw his hands in the air with exasperation.

 

“Today is the day I introduce you to the _Monster Monarchy ,”_ he’s begun to tap his heels on the wood floor in earnest, a nervous tick of his, “you said you were going to take up a position as one of their bodyguards.” _Shit, you did say that._

 

You slap your hand to your forehead and let out a groan. After the initial turmoil with monsters being inserted into the world, and inevitable controversy of a monster as a celebrity had started to clear up, Mettaton needed you less and less. So he suggested that you take up a position with people who really needed it. His _great_ friends, the king and queen of monsters. You thought at the time it was a wonderful idea, but standing in your kitchen, still in your ratty PJ’s, with your friend looking at you expectantly, your starting to rethink your decision.

 

“Right, sorry MTT, I forgot ‘bout that,” you relaxed when he stopped tapping his heels and brought you into a warm hug.

 

“It’s alright darling,” he breathed, “but you should probably get ready, we’re going to be meeting them in about,” he paused to look at the tea cup-shaped clock on the wall, “30 minutes.” Well that got you moving. He seated himself on your grey loveseat as you rushed to gargle some mouthwash and throw on a pair of black leggings and your cleanest grey scoop-neck. (You really like grey apparently). You dumped your scalding hot chocolate into a light blue travel mug, slipped on a pair of black Nike’s, and was checking your purse for the bare essentials, shrugging on a light jacket as you did so. Keys, check, hair ties, check, tissues, check. As you locked the door behind you, you wondered what the famous monster monarchy was like.

 

* * *

 

Mettaton smoothly stepped out of the sleek limousine he had ordered, with you shortly behind him. Out of habit you scanned the surrounding area. You were in a higher class white-picket fence neighborhood, large houses dotted the block. In front of you was a large, beige, three-story home that harbored an array of windows. The roof and shutters were an eye-catching red, as was the massive door. The house was lined with flower bushes. Hydrangeas, rose bushes, and Azaleas galore. Before you could gawk anymore Mettaton took you by the hand and walked briskly towards the house. Upon closer inspection you noticed that there was a large, metal, horseshoe-shaped knocker on the door, although higher than you could reach without straining. He gave your hand a light squeeze and gave you one of his award-winning smiles, you couldn’t help but smile back, albeit small. Your nerves having finally caught up to.

 

Mettaton released his grasp and, without knocking, threw the door open wide.

 

“We’re here darlings!” He strode into the house with you a few feet behind him. Despite the large exterior, the inside of the home was smaller than you would have expected. Directly in front of you was a long, oak wood dining table that had a whopping ten chairs placed along it. To your right was an array of comfortable seating options including two large chairs and a small sofa that were angled towards a large, flat-screen T.V, and from your position you could see the open archway that led to the kitchen.

 

At the sound of his voice, a large goat monster exited the kitchen with a pie in her...paws? You had thought that Mettaton was tall but looking at her, you realized you couldn’t have been more wrong. She was at _least_ two feet taller than you, making you look like something close to a child. When she saw you, a bright small lit up her face and she hurried to set the pie down on the table. She had on a light pink apron that was covered in various stains, and that had tufts of her long white fur sticking out every which way. Before you could introduce yourself she wrapped you into a warm embrace, your feet almost leaving the floor, before she set you down again.

 

“Why hello there,” her voice was sounding as soft and sweet as honey, “you must be Y/N. Mettaton has told me so much about you.” You blushed slightly at her praise before composing yourself.

 

“Well howdy there,” you pause momentarily, looking at her with a questioning glance.

 

“Ah, yes,” she picks up on your hint, “my name is Toriel.”

 

“Well it’s great to be meeting ya,” you shake her paw earnestly and for a moment she looks surprised by your grip strength.

 

“So let’s get down to business,” you release her paw and shove your hands into your pockets, “Mettaton’s been telling me that i’m supposed to be your new bodyguard?”

 

“Well, my child and,” she paused momentarily, “ _Asgore_ will be arriving shortly, so perhaps we could have some pie first?” She gestures over to the pie she set on the table that, even from your position by the door, you can tell smells heavenly. You nod and she ushers you and Mettaton deeper into the house.

 

Just as you are about to sit down you hear a door open softly followed by a loud, “We’re home!” Toriel turns towards the door in time to catch a small child in her arms who begins to sign at her in earnest. She lets out a small chuckle.

 

“Slow down my child, you can tell me all about it later but right now we have guests.” Mettaton brushes past you and whisks the child out of Toriel’s arms and holds them high, cooing at them. You turn and are faced with an enormous monster similar in complection to Toriel but sporting a yellow beard and large curving horns. _This must be Asgore_ , you think looking at him. He’s wearing a bright turquoise Hawaiian shirt that is decorated with yellow hibiscus flowers, he also has on a beige pair of cargo shorts and yellow sandals. He grabs one of your hands, completely encompassing it in two furry paws, and shakes it with enthusiasm.

 

“Howdy! You must be Y/N L/N, I am glad I finally have a face to put with a name.” You smile at him.

 

“Howdy,” you echo, “you must be Asgore then.” He returns your smile, though larger.

 

“That I am,” he rumbles, “please take a seat, would you like a cup of tea?” You silently shake your head as he goes into the kitchen to prepare a cup for himself. You drape your small purse and jacket across the back of the chair and sit next to Mettaton who is bouncing the child in his lap, still cooing to them. You chance a sideways glance at the two of them and notice the kid is staring at you with this, unwavering gaze. They have short, chestnut brown hair and light olive skin, with eyelashes so thick you might have mistaken them to have their eyes closed. After a moment they smile at you and reveal a slight gap between their two front teeth. _Awww_. Your shoulders lower slightly, tension you didn’t realize was there bleeding out. You reach out to grasp their tiny hand with yours.

 

“Hiya kid,” you say softly. You freeze. _Shit ,_ you realize, _they must be deaf and you just tried talking to them, what the hell is wro-_ . You cut yourself off after they give you a small thumbs up and turn back to Mettaton. _Oh thank God they can read lips_. You let out a small sigh of relief and see that Asgore, who has returned from his tea escapade, and Toriel have been watching your exchange with mild amusement.

 

“You’ve passed the test,” Asgore says in a ominous voice. Toriel delivers a light slap to his arm but chuckles anyway. She looks at you and gives a warm smile.

 

“He’s just joking Y/N, although,” she looks thoughtful for a moment, “it would have been much more difficult had Frisk not liked you.” She smiles fondly at the kid before continuing.

 

“They matter a lot to all monsters, and not just because they are ambassador. We all love them dearly so after all they have done for us, it would be wrong to not take their opinion into our affairs.”

 

“Well i’m glad i’ve been approved of,” you wink at the kid who winks back and shoots finger guns at you, earning an amused huff.

 

“Well, I suppose we should discuss why you are here today, should we not?” Toriel looks at Asgore expectantly who places his cup of tea lightly down on the table before speaking.

 

“Well, as you more than likely know, humans have not had the,” he pauses rubbing the back of his head, “most peaceful reaction to monsters returning to the surface.” You nod, thinking back to the large quarantine event that was in effect for a couple of weeks, the harsh debates that had followed…and the occasional muggings gone wrong.

 

“Toriel and I,” Asgore continues, gesturing to his wife, “think that it would be best if we hire some form of protection. According to my knowledge, there have been incidents in the past revolving around political figures that ended,” he looks over at Frisk before meeting your gaze again, “badly,” he finishes. You catch his drift and nod knowingly. In your opinion, the Monster Monarchy was lucky to have made it this long without any assassination attempts made thus far.

 

“And from what Mettaton says,” Toriel steps in, “you not only have no issue with working for monsters, but you are good at what you do.” You nod a third time, (You really like nodding), deciding to elaborate.

 

“I’ve been trained in hand-to-hand combat as well as pocketable firearms,” you pause as both Toriel and Asgore raise their eyebrows in surprise, “and I have been employed by a total of thirty-three high ranking officials. Plus,” you say, raising a finger, “I have yet to let a client get seriously injured.” You couldn’t help but give yourself a mental pat on the back for that one. Most bodyguard’s professions are dead if they let a client die, or if that client sues. But so far, you had been riding steadily. That’s not to say you haven’t had scares in the past before though, there had been a few close calls and broken bones, but nothing that wouldn’t heal with time.

 

“Even though I would miss this goober,” you say, giving Mettaton a pat on the arm, “it would be a real honor to work for y'all.” Toriel and Asgore share a look before referring to Frisk.

 

“What do you think my child?” Toriel speaks softly.

 

“Would you like Miss L/N to work for us?” Asgore says in an equally soft tone. Frisk looks thoughtful for a moment, looking at you as though they were deciding whether to drink apple juice or grape. They then nod vigorously before hopping into your lap to give you a bone-crushing hug. You let out a wheeze and look down at the kid snuggling themself into your stomach. Chuckling lightly, you ruffle the kids hair before they hop down and into their own chair.

 

“I believe that would be a yes,” Toriel says between muffled laughter. Mettaton taps you on the shoulder to get your attention.

 

“Well darling, I think it’s about time we leave, I have a show I need to get to and it's,” Mettaton checks the clock on the wall, “starting in about half an’ hour.” You look and realize it’s been an hour since you got here, _how the hell did that happen?!_ Toriel jumps up from her seat.

 

“Before you go, let us exchange phone numbers,” she was saying as she already had her phone in hand, “that way, we can give you our schedule for when we might need you.” You nod and add her and Asgore to your contacts list. As you are gathering your belongings Toriel places into your hands a small to-go box with a slice of the pie you had seen earlier inside. You thank her, and shake hands with both her and Asgore.

 

Just as you and Mettaton are going to go out the door, you feel a small yet persistent mass latch onto your legs, almost tripping you. You look down and see that it’s Frisk whose giving you a wide smile. You chuckle and stoop down to give the kid a kind of half hug before waving at all of them, lightly closing the door.

 

As you and Mettaton slide into the back of his limousine, which had been waiting outside for them for a few minutes, you scan the neighborhood once more. And notice that on the other side of the road, half standing behind a cluster of trees, is a short figure. You blink...and he’s gone.

 

* * *

 

 

You sigh in relief as you kick off your shoes and drop onto your ratty old loveseat.

 

“Home sweet home,” you mumble before looking at the clock and groaning. It was only 9:17 A.M. and way too early to try going back to sleep. With another groan you push yourself off the loveseat and put Toriel’s pie in your fridge for later, you then change into your cleanest pair of basketball shorts and crew-neck T-shirt and plop back onto your loveseat. You decided that after such a productive morning you would dedicate the rest of it to binging old Cutthroat Kitchen episodes, like any normal citizen.

 

Later on, as the sun set, you began to think about the meeting with Toriel and Asgore. It was nice, for lack of a better word. They seemed like two upstanding and loving people who _so_ did not deserve the hate they kept getting just because they were monsters. And Frisk looked like a real sweety, no wonder the monsters chose them to be their ambassador.

 

And then there was that mysterious figure you had seen. He didn’t look like a threat from where you were, but…looks could be deceiving. And the fact that he could disappear so quickly and quietly must mean he was a monster, but what monster would want to hurt their king and queen? You decided, against your better judgement, you wouldn’t think about anymore.

 

Too tired to take a shower, you just brushed your teeth before shirking off your bra and tossing it on the floor. Climbing into bed, you tucked yourself in to your chin.  

 

You fell asleep instantly.

  
  
  



	2. Fancy Seein' You Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and your friends head over to Muffet's.

_ blood. _

 

_ blood was everywhere. _

_ HER blood was everywhere.  _

 

_ it was on your hands, your clothes, your hair. it was staining the pavement. a red geyser. there was so much. _

 

_ it was in your mouth.  _

 

_ you couldn’t breathe.  _

 

_ you were drowning. _

 

_ breathe. _

 

_ you needed to  _

 

_ b r e a t h e .  _

 

You woke up with a start, perspiration on your forehead, gasping for breath. _It was another_ _nightmare. It was six years ago, when were these going to end? Were they even going to end?_ You groggily looked at your alarm clock, it was 6:17 A.M. You flopped back onto your pillow, no way you could sleep now. Rather than sit in bed and feel sorry for yourself, you decided to try and be productive. With a sigh you rolled out of bed and slipped on your most worn down hoodie and sweatpants. 

 

Shuffling your tired ass to the kitchen you dropped your busted up kettle onto your stovetop to get the water for your precious cocoa started. Following that, you brushed your teeth and combed your hair whilst meandering around your living room.

 

As you were pouring yourself a cup of your amazing morning beverage, your phone started to ring.  _ Who in the fuck would be calling at this hour?  _ You placed your now full mug down on your countertop before making your way over to your phone plugged into the wall. As you looked at the caller i.d. you hummed in realization. You answered. 

 

“Heeeeeeeeey Boo!” You cringed at the nickname. Ever since 4th grade when you had an...accident after some kid scared you as a ghost, your friend had yet to let you live it down. 

 

“What’s up Haze Maize, any reason your calling me at,” you checked the time on your wall clock, “6:32 in the morning?” You and the small brunette had been friends for years. Hazel was a very...passionate gal and had the tendency to speak her mind, even if no one else liked what she said. And you weren’t the kind of person to let someone off the hook easy for saying some nasty shit, so the two of you became fast friends.

 

“Oh you know,” you could hear voices in the background, “just wanted to see how my bestest friend is doing.” You sighed, there were two reasons as to why Hazel would be calling you right now. Either A; she needed something, or B; she wanted to hang out. And seeing as to how early it was, it was probably the former. 

 

“Wadda ya want Hazel.” She gasped.

 

“You think that i’m calling you just because I want something? You should be ashamed of yourself.” You weren’t buying it. 

 

“Ok look,” she said, dropping her feigned horror, “my ride just cancelled and I need a pickup from my sit-in.” You let out an amused huff. Hazel was a dedicated activist in more fields than you could count. Racism, immigration, sexism, you name it. If you were correct, she was talking about the animal abuse sit-in at the local shelter. 

 

“That’s all ya had to say Haze,” you leaned against your countertops and took a sip of your cocoa, “what time are you gonna need me?” She clucked her tongue. 

 

“Oh how about,” she paused, “you come grab me at 7:30 and we can swing by Jasper’s and all head to breakfast.” 

 

“Sure thing, see ya there Haze.”

 

“Bye Boo!” She hung up with a soft click. You looked at the time, you still had 50 minutes before you would need to be there.  _ Welp that was pretty productive,  _ you thought with a shrug as you plopped onto your couch.  _ Time to screw around until I gotta go.  _ And so you watched Kids Baking Championship, as any sane person would. 

 

* * *

 

God you hated traffic. I mean, who doesn’t? But having to sit behind a line of cars at a busy intersection that was being controlled by some meter-maid cops, while waiting for your friend whose presence was  **causing** the traffic, well, ticked didn’t even begin to describe your rage. But honking your horn and flipping people off through your window sure does. 

 

As you fight your way through the sea of cars towards the curb, you see a small head shoulder their way through the packed crowd, some waving signs at the closed,and probably locked, doors of the animal shelter. Hazel’s ironically hazel eyes lit up when she spotted your car. She was wearing a bright neon yellow crop-top with the words ‘All Life is Precious’ sharpied on and her tiny hips were encompassed in a pair of light blue jeans. She had a thick yellow headband in her chestnut-brown hair and her light blue messenger bag was slung over her shoulders. As she practically skipped to your car, you could see the small silver glint of her cross dangling from her tanned neck. 

 

“Hey Boo!” Hazel chirped as she threw her bag into the back of your car and hopped into the passenger seat. 

 

“Howdy Haze,” your voice a little hoarse from screaming ‘JACKASS’ at a few people who in your opinion totally deserved it.

 

“You call Jasper an’ tell him we’re coming to abduct him?” 

 

“Yeah, you remember where he lives?” Hazel teased. 

 

“It was one time,” you grumble under your breath, pulling out into the street. She giggles at you.

 

“And you somehow got us on the complete opposite side of town from where he lives.”

 

“Aw hush up you,” you say before ruffling her hair, earning you a yelp and a smack upside the head. 

 

“So,” she said after she adjusted her headband, “you still living off of noodles or have you gotten a real job?”

 

“Being a private bodyguard is a real job Haze, and yeah I got hired by some-” You were cut off by a high-pitched squeal and the small brunette wrapping her arms around your neck. You swerved slightly while shouting a stream of curses the whole time. 

 

“Oh Boo this is wonderful!” She had unwound herself from you but was bouncing up and down in the seat a little bit. 

 

“Who hired you? Are they nice? Wait did Mettaton fire you? Oh my God if he did I am so gonna kick his metallic a-” 

 

“Woah woah woah, slow down for a sec’ Haze an’ let me explain first.” She immediately shut her mouth, but her eyes were sparkling as she waited for you to continue. 

 

“Since things are calming down for MTT he hasn’t needed me nearly as much, so he thought it would be a good idea for me to transfer to some of his friends. And before you ask, yes I was totally cool with it.”

 

“Huh,” she sounded much more subdued, you let out a mental sigh of relief, “who did you transfer to?”

 

“Just the Monster Monarchy-”

 

“JUST THE MONSTER MONARCHY?!?!” Aaaaand there it goes. 

 

“Oh my God this is amazing Boo! They’re like, the top bananas in the political circus! But wait,” she paused and concern washed away her jubilant attitude, “isn’t it going to be dangerous?” You sighed, you figured Hazel would get like this. She had always been super protective of you, even though she wouldn’t be able to hurt a fly. 

 

“Haze,  _ all  _ of my jobs are dangerous, ain’t no difference with this one. Just think of it as having a more...colorful and exotic charge. Like takin care of some parrots.” She still looked skeptical when you pulled up to the curb of Jasper’s apartment, but that changed when she saw a tall and lanky kid leaning against the building’s concrete side. His dark brown almost black hair looked like he had just combed his fingers through it and left it at that. He was wearing a black hoodie and dark blue jeans, his forest green eyes cast down to the pavement behind his wire-frame glasses which only accentuated his freckles. Hazel rolled down your window and any concern she had before seemingly vanished at the sight of him.

 

“Jasper! Over here!” she called and started waving her arms frantically, earning a few stray looks from passersby. He jumped at the sound of her but slowly made his way over, a small smile on his face. Jasper was more of Hazel’s friend but you got along well with him after she introduced the two of you. He was always a little shy and it took him a while to warm up to you but when he did, it was like you had hit the jackpot of baked goods, (He always aspired to have his own bakery). He was at the passenger side now, giving Hazel a side hug through the window. 

 

“Still driving this death-trap on wheels?” He joked, having to stoop down low in order to climb in the back. 

 

You gasped and held a hand to your heart.

 

“How  _ dare  _ you,” you spun around to face him, “Betsy here has been my faithful companion for 7 long years and I refuse to hear such disrespectful talk of her.” Your old, and very much used, grey Honda Civic had been through some shit. She had a large gash near the left headlight and smaller dents along the left and right sides. And no matter how much your friends begged and pleaded with you to get them fixed, you would brush them off with ‘But it adds to her character’. Jasper chuckled quietly.

 

“You know i’m only joking.” You responded with a huff before turning back around to face the wheel. 

 

“So, any clue where we’re going that would be open at this horrific hour?” 

 

“Well, I know there’s this really cool monster-run bakery that i’ve been meaning to try out.” Hazel said, decidedly ignoring your comment. 

 

“Sounds like a plan.”

 

“What could go wrong?” You pulled back into the street and began your way to Muffet’s Bakery.

 

* * *

 

Everything, everything could go wrong apparently. 

 

What you had failed to realize was that the majority of the staff at Muffet’s was comprised of spiders. And that your dear friend Hazel, was afraid of spiders…

 

Shit.

 

You had let the two of them go ahead of you so you could lock up Betsy, but as you were walking towards the flowery-looking bakery you heard a high pitched shriek come from inside. You started sprinting, thinking that someone was in danger. You practically threw the doors open, the small bells announcing your arrival, and saw...Hazel in Jasper’s arms, clinging to him for protection.

 

_ Oh _

 

_ My _

 

_ God. _

 

You couldn’t help yourself, you really couldn’t. You started cackling, having to lean against the wall for support. It was too much. You managed to fumble around in your pockets and find your phone, snapping a few pictures of the scene. Jasper’s face was beet red, whether it be from the strain of holding Hazel up or something else you weren’t sure and really didn’t care right then. Hazel was shaking slightly in his arms, but upon seeing you practically choking on laughter in the corner she sobered up. She gingerly stepped out of Jasper’s hold and stomped up to you, and started hitting you which could be compared to being tickled with a feather. 

 

“You asshole stop laughing!” She hit like a drunk kitten. But for her pride you made a strong attempt, and failed having caught sight of Jasper’s face again. You dissolved back into a fit of giggles, eventually getting her to huff in exasperation and leave to start conversation with a tall, spider monster who you presumed was Muffet and the owner. After taking a few moments to calm down you made your way over to Jasper, who still looked shocked at the whole debacle. 

 

“What set her off like that,” you whispered to him, amusement coating your voice. He blinked and looked down at you, probably too deep in thought to have noticed your arrival.

 

“She saw some spiders and flipped.”

 

“Ah,” you nodded knowingly. Hazel had been afraid of spiders for a long time. And while she never told you exactly why she was so spooked by them, you never pried. Of course, back when you were younger, she hadn’t been happy when she came to your house one day and saw Charlotte, your pet Arizona Blonde tarantula. You chuckled at the memory. 

 

“Alright come on guys.” Hazel, face still red with embarrassment, was standing next to the tall spider you had seen earlier. She had five deep purple eyes that sparkled in the fluorescent lights. She was carrying menus in three of her six hands and was waiting patiently for you and Jasper to join them. As you walked behind her you took note that while there were a few humans here, they were all accompanied by monsters. You and your friends were the only all human party. 

 

Muffet led the three of you to an empty table in one of the corners of her bakery. The lace tablecloth was as white as fresh snow, and the light purple furniture only added to the decor. You gave a low whistle of appreciation, earning you a little giggle from Muffet.

 

“Ahuhuhu i’m glad you like it dearie~” As you all sat down, you and Jasper at the ends with Hazel seated with her back against the wall, Muffet passed out your menus and went to check on another table. 

 

“So,” Jasper said, clearing his throat, “are you feeling better Hazey?”

 

“Yeah,” she sighed, “just a little startled is all, i’ll be fine.” She shot him a warm smile and a light blush spread across his cheeks.

 

“You certainly  _ looked  _ startled.” You snickered, showing them the picture you took with your phone. Now  _ both  _ of them were blushing. You jerked your phone away before either of them could grab it from you. Hazel groaned.

 

“Please, for the love of all that is holy don’t show anyone that.” You let out a dark chuckle. 

 

“Oh my sweet naive Hazel,” your voice quite, “for the first time in years, I have a shred of blackmail. There is no way that I won’t use this.” She plopped her head onto the table and let out a long, exaggerated sigh. 

 

“I guess I deserve that.”

 

“Yes, yes you do.”

“Oh hey Jasper,” he had been skimming the menu when Hazel, deciding to change the subject, startled him, “did ya hear? Y/N just got contracted to the Monster Monarchy!” A few nearby tables glanced at you before going back to their conversations, and now Jasper was staring at you with his mouth slightly agape. 

 

“How in the hell did you manage to snag that?!” You blushed a little.

 

“Mettaton thought that it would be a better use of my time so he recommended me, it really isn’t that big of a deal.”

 

“Not a big deal,” he was leaning towards you with his hands on the table now, “Y/N this is a  _ huge _ deal. Your being tasked with having to defend the  _ king and queen  _ of all monsters! How is that not a big deal?!” People were starting to stare now, you just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. 

 

Before you could ask him to kindly shut the fuck up, you felt a small tugging sensation on your hoodie sleeve. You looked down and standing there was a very familiar child wearing a striped blue and pink sweater.  _ Oh thank God my saviour has arrived. _

 

“Heya there Frisk, gotta say your timing is pretty impeccable.” You gave them a little wink and they giggled. 

 

“kid wanted to make sure you weren’t being  _ bugged  _ too much.” You looked up and blinked in surprise. Standing a little bit behind the kid was a skeleton about an inch shorter than you. He was wearing a blue hoodie with what looked like a white tee underneath. He had on black basketball shorts with white fluorescent stripes down the sides and instead of sneakers he was sporting pink slippers with socks. A lazy grin was plastered on his roundish face.

 

_ Wait a minute. Did he-did he just say a pun?  _ Your eyes widened in realization.  _ He totally did.  _ You felt a grin of your own emerge.  _ It’s on skelly-man. _

 

“Oh just give it a  _ widow  _ bit of time.” His…(eyelights?) brightened.

 

“if they give ya any trouble don’t worry, i’m a real  _ pun _ isher.”

 

“That pun was so terrible it has me  _ climbing up the wall _ .”

 

“eh, i’m into that sort of  _ fang.” _

 

“Nah, sounds like a real  _ sticky situation. _ ”

 

He looked like he was going to continue but Frisk slapped a tiny hand over his mouth, and Hazel likewise. 

“Please,” she shuddered, “just stop saying God forsaken puns.” You and the skeleton chuckled but nodded reluctantly, only then did Hazel and Frisk step back. 

 

“i’m sans by the way, sans the skeleton.” You took his outstretched hand and shook it.

 

“Y/N. Oh and thanks for checking on me but these wackos,” you jerked your thumb at Jasper and Hazel, “happen to be my friends.” Jasper gave a shy wave while Hazel stood up, almost tripping over you, and went to shake Sans’ hand. You knew what was going to happen next.

 

“Hey there i’m Hazel, Y/N’s friend and over there’s Jasper but he’s really shy. So you're a monster right? How are you staying together? Is it magic? How do you eat? Can you eat? Do you need to breath? Wow your hand is really warm why is that?...” She continued on her tangent, all while still shaking his hand. You could see small beads of sweat start to form on his skull, more than likely overwhelmed with the sheer number of questions Hazel was asking that were probably really personal. Looks like you needed to step in. 

 

You placed a hand on Hazel’s shoulder.

 

“Slow down there Haze, at least give him a sec’ to answer.” She immediately closed her mouth with a soft click, and looked down at the ground, a slight blush tinting her cheeks. 

 

“Sorry,” she mumbled. Sans’ shoulders dropped slightly, but there was still a nervous crinkle to his smile. 

 

“no prob’ bucko.” She looked a little better but still made her way back to her chair.

 

“So,” you said, trying to bring back that easy-going atmosphere from before, “what are y'all doing here?” Sans answered for both of them.

 

“kid’s been doin’ good with their school work so i wanted to give ‘em a lil’ treat.” You were about to congratulate them when you were cut off with someone’s phone ringing. Apparently it was Sans’. 

 

“yello?”

 

“yeah me an’ the kid will be there in a sec.”

 

“okay, see ya there.”

 

“welp, sorry kid but we gotta go.” Pocketing his phone he turned to you and your friends. 

 

“nice meetin’ ya guys, maybe we can all  _ hang around  _ sometime.” You chuckled at his pun before giving him a smile. 

“Yeah, that sounds like it would be fun.” He seemed to falter for a split second before a grin was back. He chuckled lightly.

 

“cool.” And with a wink, he and Frisk disappeared into thin air. You leaned out of your chair and looked up and down the interior of the bakery. Nothing.  _ Huh weird flex but okay.  _ You turn back to Hazel and Jasper who are, worryingly, sharing a shit-eating grin. 

 

“What?”

 

“ _Does wittle Y/N have a cwush_?” Hazel blinks at you, hands on her cheeks. You throw your napkin at her.

 

“Let’s just fucking order.”

 

* * *

 

After a morning of relentless teasing from both of your friends you were just about ready to jump off a cliff. Seriously though, they were annoying as fuck. The only thing that got them to stop was the threat of posting the picture you took of them to Instagram.

 

It was about 8:30ish when your phone started to buzz. You answered it with a light tap.

 

“What’s the scoop?” 

 

“Y/N? I am not sure what ‘scoop’ you are referring to but I have a proposition if you are interested.”

 

_ Oh shit. You just said that. To your boss. Fuck.  _

 

“What did you have in mind Toriel?”  _ Just play it cool.  _

 

“Well, tomorrow we will be having a picnic and wanted to invite you.”  _ Who the fuck is we?! You’ve been going out everyday for the past few days, you can say no. Sleep in, it will be great. Say no. Say no. Say no- _

 

“Sounds like fun, when should I be there?”  _ You stupid bitch.  _

 

“Meet us at the town park at,” she paused, “around noon, if that is alright?” 

 

“Sounds great, do you want me to bring anything?” 

 

“Oh, no I will cover the food, your presence is enough.”

 

“Sweet, see you there Toriel.” 

 

“Goodbye Y/N.” You both hung up.

 

_ Jesus Christ what have I done.  _ You sighed and threw your phone onto the couch.  _ The damage has already been done, might as well enjoy it.  _ As you started to get ready for bed you thought about this morning.  _ Even though Jasp and Haze were kinda of assholes, Sans was pretty nice. It was cool meeting someone who likes puns as much as I do, let alone tell them too.  _ You chuckled remember your battle. 

 

_ Who knows,  _ you thought to yourself as you climbed into your bed.  _ Maybe we can even be friends _ . 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damn this took a long time. Also fun fact, Hazel's soul composition is justice and patience while Jasper's is kindness and integrity.


	3. Angry Bigoted Racist™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The picnic arrives.

_ you came to the sun shining brightly in your eyes. the ground beneath your body was soft, and malleable. threading your hand through the ground, you realized you were sitting upon a plush bed of roses in the center of a large field, the rich red petals providing a soft landing for you. a sweet scent carried by the breeze clung to your body. surrounding you, was a great expanse of rolling green hills as far as the eye could see. before being given the chance to examine the area further, the sweet music of a child humming filled your ears. propping yourself on your elbows and craning your neck, you turned to see HER.  _

 

_ she was wrapped in fine white silk that billowed around her legs, a crown of butter yellow lilies rested in her short, wavy hair. she was twining together a chain of grass, quietly humming a familiar tune. she looked so….happy. like the angel she always had been. you could feel hot tears stream down your face, creating two twin rivers. you just couldn’t help it, seeing her like this, it was as though your very being was humming with pure content.  _

 

_ but you weren’t alone _

 

_ standing atop the crest of a hill, appearing seemingly out of nowhere overlooking HER, was a  _ **_beast._ ** _ it’s paws were the size of trash can lids, with claws the length and width of your arm flexing into the soft earth. it’s long and spiked tail swished behind it’s massive frame, finely toned muscles rippling beneath the black velvety coat of fur. It ran a long forked tongue over its fangs, protruding from a long and twisted muzzle, before it began to make its way down the hill….smoldering blue eyes, cold as ice, locked on HER. _

 

_ you tried to move, but thick gnarly vines covered in thorns held you in place. the more you tried to free yourself, the deeper the thorns dug, restricting your movement further. blood dripped onto the roses, adding deep red highlights to the flowers. you called out to warn her. _

 

_ but she couldn’t hear you. _

 

_ you shouted, screamed, begged. but nothing worked. she still braided the grass, as that  _ **_thing_ ** _ crept closer and closer. large billowing storm clouds moved to blot out the once bright sun, bathing the land in twisting shadows. the pleasant breeze was now a frenzied wind, its wailing drowning out your own. _

 

_ please…. _

 

**_it_ ** _ lowered into a crouch. _

 

_ please hear me. _

 

**_it_ ** _ let out a low growl of warning. _

 

_ why? _

 

_ SHE turned around, grass lost in an endless green sea _

 

_ Why can’t I save you!? _

 

**_it_ ** _ leapt. _

  
  


Your eyes snapped open, sweat drenching your body. You could still hear her echoing cries of pain as you sobbed into your sheets that night. 

 

* * *

 

You were brushing your hair in anticipation for the picnic when you heard a series of knocks on your door.  _ If there is a God up there, please let it be Girl Scout Cookies.  _ The knocking repeated, only louder and more insistent this time. You sighed, “Oh for the love of-i’m coming!” You just grumbled irritably as the knocking continued at a rapid pace. 

 

You swung the door open to reveal a young man in his early twenties with foppish looking hair, his hand raised to continue knocking. His button nose was nestled between high cheekbones, defined jawline only marred by a small, faded scar. His close-set round eyes lit up when they landed on you. 

 

“Damn,” you mutter, “and here I was all excited for cookies.”

 

The man huffed in annoyance, “Well excuuuuse me for not carrying cooked diabetes with me at all times.” Despite his tone, there was a mischievous glint in his steel grey eyes. 

 

“Technically it’s baked, but i’ll let that one slide ‘cause we're family.” You wrapped him in a warm hug, before placing him into a headlock. He squawked with indignation, trying to pry you off.

 

“Y/N! Let go of me I just got my hair done!” 

 

You thought for a moment, “Nah. I’m your sister baby bro, it’s my job to ruin your life. By the way, what the actual fuck are you wearing?” Your brother Jamie, younger only by a few years, was always changing his style. It seemed that today he was going for the college dropout look, if his ripped jeans and graphic tee were any indication. Despite all the teasing though, you really cared about him. You had always been protective, but after the…. _ incident _ , it was like someone had cranked the motherly dial up to two hundred. Unlike you though, he was always sharing his feelings, which made your job of looking after him a little bit easier. Then again, it also meant he could read you like a book, much to your chagrin. 

 

“Try taking a look in the mirror pal.” He squirmed out of your lax grip, the teasing smile on his face falling after taking a look at your disheveled appearance. 

 

“Did you have another nightmare?” He placed his hand comfortingly on your shoulder. You hated it when he got all worried, which was more and more often. You never liked sharing your feelings with Jamie, mainly because you didn’t want to be a bother to him. It wasn’t fair for him or you. The way your face twisted momentarily was answer enough, unfortunately. 

 

“Y/N….” he began softly.

 

“I know.” 

 

“This isn’t healthy, you need to get he-”

 

You cut him off, “Dammit it all Jamie I know okay! It's just that,” you sighed running a hand through your hair, guilt catching up with you immediately, “sorry its just, you know how I feel about doctors and all.” After the incident, your mother attempted to find you and Jamie, mostly Jamie though, psychological help. Instead of feeling better, you just felt worse. The questions they asked you felt all too personal and no matter what they said, you could see the disgust in their eyes when you would tell them, but that’s not to say psychology didn’t work for Jamie. Especially considering that he got better from the help, while you just pretended to. 

 

He made a face before letting go of your shoulder. “Okay, okay,” he held up his hands in mock defeat, “i’ll stop pushing but, please just think about it?” He was giving you the puppy-dog eyes, putting the pout on thick.  _ Damn him and his child-like cuteness. _ You hesitated for a moment, before you pulled him into an embrace, nestling your face into the crook of his neck. 

 

“Alright, but only for you dingus.” 

 

“Sweet!” Once again, Jamie wiggled out of your arms and bounded towards the kitchen, smiling despite the previously serious conversation between the two of you.  _ Always leave it to Jamie to lighten the mood _ . You chuckled lightly under your breath as you closed and locked your apartment door. “So what’s got you so excited that your trying’ to break down my door?”

 

“Well dear sister o’ mine, I am in dire need of your services!”  _ Sometimes, he’s almost as bad as Mettaton,  _ you thought with a hint of amusement as he relayed his speech. 

 

“And what services are you talking ‘bout in particular bro?”

 

“Your company of course!”

 

“So let me get this straight,” you’ve moved into your kitchen with Jamie and now are leaning against your counter top, “you came all this way just to hang out with me?” Skepticism written all over your face.

 

“That….and to take a break,” he admitted, having the grace to look a little bit sheepish. You moved out of your childhood house as soon as you could, but Jamie, with the insistence of your mother, stayed. For him, she was overbearing and smothering, sort of like a helicopter parent. But for you, she….she was never the same after the incident, to put your relationship with your mother lightly. 

 

“What kind of code are we talkin’ about?” As kids, back when your mother was just protective, you and Jamie created really odd code words that wouldn’t come up in normal conversations as a way of secretly communicating basic thoughts or feelings to each other without having to worry about a lecture. It worked so well then that even though you were both grown ass adults, you would use them to this day. 

 

He looked away. “Code Putty,” he mumbled quietly. You could feel the hand that had been subconsciously tightening its grip on the counter relax slightly. In all honesty, a Code Putty wasn’t that bad. All it meant was that your mother was being a little more snappish, and Jamie needed an hour or two out of the house. But….you had somewhere you needed to be.

 

“Bro, as much as I love having you around, I actually have someplace I have to be today.” He gasped loudly, placing both hands on your shoulders before shaking you vigorously. 

 

“Oh my god really?! I need to know who, where, how and why! Details woman, details!” He released you, opting to bounce up and down excitedly on the tile while your head was still reeling from the sudden spin it took. Sometimes you were completely amazed at how easy it was for Jamie’s emotions to change with the flip of a coin.  

 

“It’s just a picnic with my new employers and a few of their friends. It’s not a big deal bro.” 

 

“Are you sure that there isn’t someone  _ else~ _ ” he punctuated the sentence with a meaningful eyebrow wiggle. You scoffed and elbowed him lightly in the stomach. 

 

“Nah, i’m pretty sure,” you snapped your fingers as an idea formed, “but if it’s cool with my boss, maybe you could come with and meet them.” Jamie looked like you just announced he has his own national day. 

 

“Are you sure,” his bouncing slowed as doubt crept in, “you really think they wouldn’t mind?”

 

“Well lemme ask first, but Toriel ought to be fine with it.” As you unlocked your phone and brought up Toriel’s contact information, you missed the face Jamie made at hearing you mention the Queen of Monsters so casually.

 

**You** (11:34 A.M)

Hey Toriel, is it okay if I bring my brother to the picnic today? He’s really excited to meet you guys. 

 

You had to wait a few minutes before she responded. 

 

**Mrs. Goat Boss** (11:36 A.M)

Of course Y/N. Any of your friends or family are welcome to join you. The more the merrier!

 

**You** (11:36 A.M)

Thanks Toriel! We’ll be there soon.  

 

**Mrs. Goat Boss** (11:37 A.M)

Drive safely. 

 

“Alright, we’re all clear for takeoff.

 

“Sweet, I call shotgun!” Jamie called out as he was running out the door, leaving it swinging in his wake as his loudly audible footsteps faded in the distance. You chuckled to yourself, slipping into a thin, black zip up hoodie. Locking up your apartment, you pocketed your keys, making the slow trek down to the garage to drive with your brother. 

 

* * *

 

“Are ya sure we’re going the right way Jamie?” You had been driving for about ten minutes and were already convinced that you had taken a wrong turn somewhere. 

 

“Sis, have I ever gotten us lost before?”

 

“Yes, numerous times.” He was even worse with directions than you were. Which you would’ve deemed impossible had he not proved this, a lot.

 

“But has  _ Google _ steered us wrong? I think not!” He waved his phone that had Google Maps pulled up for emphasis. 

 

“Alright then. How long does it say we have till we get there?” 

 

“It should be right-oh! There on the left!” You turned to where Jamie was pointing. 

 

When you looked, you were greeted with a great expanse of green. Tall oak trees and wrought iron fencing lined along the outside of the park. The entrance was a tall archway that looked similar to the fencing, intricate swirling patterns giving it a grand appearance. To the right of the park was a small square of dirt, acting as parking for people who didn’t walk. As you pulled into the parking area, you took note of some of the cars there. On your left was a cherry red convertible that was so glossy, you suffered from momentary lens flare. And on your right was an abnormally tall and wide, tan, SUV. As you and your brother stepped out of your car, he gave a low whistle of appreciation. 

 

“Wonder who owns that red beauty.” For whatever reason you couldn’t understand, Jamie had a weird fascination for automobiles. He would always record Grand Prix and take notes on the racers driving style and cars. Then there was the time you took him to a demolition derby….that was the happiest you had ever seen him. He was circling the car with a look of awe, making sure to not actually touch it, but be close enough to examine it. You let out a quiet chuckle before turning towards the park entrance.

 

“You can jack-off to the car later Jamie, we got people to meet.” His head shot up from where he had been looking at the headlights of the convertible. He quickly caught up with you, his eyes averted from the people who had overheard you and started to stare. Jamie’s blush was rivaling the color of the car itself. 

 

“Y-you’re a jerk sis,” he muttered under his breath just loud enough for you to hear him. You playfully ruffled his hair, to which he responded with a weak glare.

 

As the two of you passed through the archway, you noticed that the majority of the park dwellers were humans with a small sprinkle of monsters added in.  _ Better than nothing I suppose.  _ There were small circles of benches with grills dotted all over the place. In the very center of both the park and the gravel pathway you had been travelling on, was a large multi-layered fountain. From your position by the entrance, you could see a small playground that was stationed towards one of the far corners of the park. And even from there, you could clearly see a large goat monster setting up an array of food on one of the picnic tables nearby. 

 

You grabbed Jamie by the arm and made for the table at a light jog. 

 

“Hey Toriel!” You called out to your employer as you and your brother drew closer. She was wearing a long-sleeved grey scoop neck shirt paired with a knee-length floral skirt. Her fur shone in the afternoon sun. Her eyes lit up upon seeing both of you. 

 

“Hello Y/N. Is this your brother?” You let go of Jamie’s arm so he could shake the Queen’s outstretched paw. 

 

“Jamie. It’s a pleasure to meet you your majesty.” Toriel chortled.

 

“Please just call me Toriel, there is no need to exchange such formal pleasantries.” He retracted his hand to rub the back of his neck sheepishly. 

 

“Right, sorry about that your ma-Toriel.” 

 

“It is quite alright.”

 

“So,” you said clapping your hands, effectively startling the two of them out of their awkward conversation, “who else is going to be here?”

 

“Well,” Toriel began, “Mettaton is busy preparing for an upcoming show tonight, Asgore had to attend to a paperwork hiccup, Alphys and Undyne are caught up in traffic, and Papyrus and his brother are playing with Frisk right now.” As if summoned by the mention of their name, Frisk torpedoed into your stomach, almost succeeding in knocking you over. They wrapped their tiny arms around your waist as far as they could. 

 

“Hey kid, nice to see you too.” They let go only to grab your hand and start pulling you in the direction of the playground, practically jumping up and down. 

 

“hey bro look, the kid caught a human.” You glanced away from Frisk’s excited face to see Sans sitting on a bench overlooking the playground, his hands shoved in his hoodie pockets. But it was the person standing next to him that caught your attention. They were a skeleton, but all of their features were a complete 180° from Sans’. He had a roughly rectangular skull with small oval eye sockets. He was about a head taller than the short skeleton and was wearing a neon yellow crop top with the words ‘Cool Dude’ sharpied on, leaving his spine exposed. His jean shorts that went down to his kneecaps were accented with red boots, mittens, and a tattered scarf that flowed in a non-existent wind. Despite the fact that the colors clashed horribly, he somehow made it work. 

 

“HELLO HUMAN!” You blanched a little at the sheer volume of his voice. “I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND THIS IS MY LAZY BROTHER SANS!” Sans winked and gave a little wave. “I SEE THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY BEFRIENDED THE HUMAN FRISK! THEREFORE, YOU MUST BE COOL ENOUGH TO BE A FRIEND OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS! HUMAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY FRIEND?”  _ Well damn that was fast. He seems like an alright guy, although a bit loud.  _ The skeleton you had come to know as Papyrus was looking at you with a mixture of hopefulness and excitement at the prospect of having a new friend.  _ What the hell.  _

 

“I would love to be your friend Papyrus.” Faster than you could blink, Papyrus had pulled you, and subsequently Frisk, into a bone-crushing hug.  _ Heh, ‘bone’-crushing.  _

 

“WOWIE, DO YOU REALLY MEAN IT HUMAN?” He held you away from himself slightly so you could look him in the eye sockets. 

 

“Of course Papyrus, I would never tell a  _ fibula _ .” Papyrus and Frisk both groaned at your pun attempt while Sans sat up a little straighter. Judging by his shit-eating grin, you were about to enter a pun war with a master.  _ Let’s dance bone boy.  _

“to  _ patella  _ the truth kid, that was awful.” 

 

“Hey now, I was just  _ ribbing  _ you guys.”

 

“sorry, guess that makes me a real  _ numb skull _ .”

 

“Nah, you strike me as more of a  _ bonehead _ than anything.”

 

“kid, sticks an’ stones may break my  _ bones,  _ but words will never hurt me.”

 

You opened your mouth to fire out another skeleton pun retort only to have a gloved hand slap over your mouth, muffling your response.

 

“HUMAN,” Papyrus looked like he was going to vomit, if skeletons could even do that, “PLEASE REFRAIN FROM ENCOURAGING MY BROTHER AND HIS HORRENDOUS PUNS THAT ARE NEITHER FUNNY NOR WITTY, DESPITE WHAT HE THINKS.” Sans only shrugged, his grin just a little bit wider than it had been before. 

 

“Y/N? Sans? Could I have your help with laying out the food?” Toriel called out from the tables you and Frisk had left her at. You could see Jamie was balancing two large plates of sandwiches covered in saran wrap. 

 

“sure thing tori,” Sans turned back to where Papyrus and Frisk had already delved into an intense conversation on which sauce was the best to use for spaghetti, “you two just  _ hang  _ here for a bit.” You chuckled as Papyrus let out an exasperated ‘NYEH’. 

 

“so,” Sans began after the two of you were out of earshot, “whaddaya think of my bro?” 

 

“I think he’s pretty cool,” you answered honestly. Sans stared at you for a moment, eye lights flickering over your face before he let out a soft sound of amusement. 

 

“yeah, the coolest.” By this point, the two of you had made it back to Toriel and Jamie, who were so busy talking that at first they didn’t notice your arrival. 

 

“And then I said to him ‘What is this? Some sort of meta-joke?’” Jamie had a big grin on his face as Toriel started to giggle at his antics. 

 

“Tellin’ the bar joke bro?” 

 

“You know it sis!” But when your brother’s eyes landed on Sans, his smile faltered a little bit. 

 

“what’s the matter kid, ain’t seen a walking corpse before?” He held out his hand for Jamie, “th’ name’s sans, sans the skeleton.”

 

“Jamie,” his smile was back, albeit a little forced as he went to shake Sans’ hand, “i’m Y/N’s bro-” he was cut off by a loud, wet farting sound. Jamie looked on in horror as Sans held up his hand to reveal a small whoopee cushion, unable to contain his laughter. 

 

“the ole’ whoopee cushion in the hand trick.” As Sans continued to laugh while Jamie just stood there sputtering you couldn’t help but let out an uncharacteristic snort, which seemed to snap your brother out of his trance. 

 

“You traitor,” he whispered. 

 

“But bro-”

 

“No Y/N stop.” His eyes widened, and he held up his hands as if he could stop what was destined to come.

 

“-are you sure that it didn’t-”

 

“Y/N I swear to God if you-”

 

“-tickle your  _ funny bone _ ?” 

 

“That’s it I disown you. You are no longer my sister.” Jamie proceeded to aggressively continue plating food on the table, leaving you and the two monsters to laugh at his retreating back. However, you were snapped out of your revelry by the distressed voice of a familiarly loud monster. Looking back towards the playground, you could see Papyrus was attempting to calm down a very angry looking man who was pointing towards Frisk, whose hand was still clasped in Papyrus’. At this point a small crowd was starting to form and the others had noticed what was happening. Jamie must have seen the look on your face because he was mouthing furiously at you ‘Don’t do it’. Like hell you were gonna sit back and watch this shit. 

 

Before anybody could stop you, you were bolting across the grass to the growing crowd. Pushing your way through, you entered the small clearing in the center that housed a stoic looking Frisk, nervous Papyrus, and your typical Angry Bigoted Racist™. 

 

“-and while your at it, why don’tcha all go back to where ya came from.” The man’s words were laced with venom, yet no one seemed to care, besides from recording the interaction. 

 

“HUMAN, WHILE YOU SEEM VERY UPSET, I KNOW THAT ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW US WE CAN BECOME VERY GOOD FRIENDS-” The man scoffed, cutting Papyrus off. 

 

“Friends?! What do you know about friends you filthy monster!”  _ Yeah okay, time to end this shit show.  _ Coming up from behind the man, you firmly placed your hand on his shoulder.

 

“Heya there pal, what seems to be the issue?” The man whipped his head around to stare at you. 

 

“Who the fuck are you?” The hand at your side curled into a fist. 

 

“Oh you know, just someone who’s concerned as to why you’re talking to my friends like that is all.” You continued calmly. The corners of his mouth turned into a sneer. 

 

“You’re one of those monster lovers, ain’tcha?!” To say you were already tired of this guys shit was the understatement of the century. Now he was turned to face just you, his finger poking you in the sternum to agitate you. You could feel what little patience you had running thin. 

 

“‘Cause let me tell you somethin’ freak-” You snapped. 

 

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you it’s rude to insult a lady?” And with that, your hand on his shoulder became an iron shackle, holding him in place so that as you brought your fist up, you clocked him square in the nose, a resounding crunch filled the air. You let him drop to the ground with a cry of pain, though you only grunted as your knuckles split from the sheer force of the impact. Your own blood and his mingled on your still closed fist. You inhaled sharply through your mouth at the similarity of your blood compared to-nope not gonna think about her right now. The man’s sputtering voice brought you out of your thoughts.

 

“W-what the fuck! I think you broke my nose!” He was desperately clutching his face as blood poured down into a small pool in the dirt. 

 

“That sounds like a you sort of problem.” You turned to an equally shocked Frisk and Papyrus. “C’mon guys, we’re gonna be eating soon.” Without another word you turned and began to make your way back to the tables, the crowd giving you a wide berth, as well as the hurried footsteps behind you. 

 

As you neared the tables, Papyrus and Frisk talking in hushed whispers behind you, Jamie ran up and proceeded to beat you upside the head with his open palm. 

 

“What- _ smack _ -were- _ smack _ -you- _ smack _ -thinking?!” You held up your hands in an attempt to defend yourself from the onslaught of  _ brotherly love _ when he suddenly stops hitting you to wrap you into a tight hug. 

 

“You gotta stop doing stuff like that Y/N, I,” he continued in a quiet tone, “….I don’t wanna lose you too.” You instantly felt guilty for making Jamie worry. For reminding him about that day. Sometimes, you forgot that he was there too. You returned the embrace.

 

“Sorry bro, guess I was just  _ bone to be wild _ .” He just sighed in defeat before letting you go. You looked up to the sound of heavy footsteps and spotted a rather frantic Toriel. Before you could object she was already looking you over for injuries.

 

“Y/N,” she began sternly, “while I appreciate that you aided Papyrus and Frisk in a time of need, I do not agree with your….methods.” Well, she wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t that you had a temper, it was just that you thought certain situations were better solved with a more…. _ hands on _ approach. 

 

“Sorry about that Toriel, kinda ran out of patience there.” At this point she was inspecting your hands and had noticed the bruised, bloody, swelling mess that was your hand. 

 

“Oh dear,” she tutted, turning your hand around to get a better view, “allow me to heal this for you.” As you were about to object, a green glow began to emanate from her paws which hovered above and below your hand. You let out a small sigh of relief as a warm, fuzzy feeling entered your hand, causing you to relax. And oddly enough, you could detect the faint smell of butterscotch pie. You gasped as Toriel uncovered your hand, it was completely healed. The only evidence that it was injured at all was the dried blood, which you quickly wiped away using the bottom of your hoodie. You flexed your hand, pleased to see it worked perfectly fine. 

 

“Heh, thanks Toriel, it’s good as new.” She just hummed in satisfaction, and walked back towards the table. As you watched her walk away, you caught sight of everyone else there. Sans was talking to Papyrus, and when he caught you staring, he just gave a lazy wink. But your attention was garnered to who Frisk was introducing Jamie to. The first person was a tall fish monster with deep royal blue scales. Her yellowed teeth were pulled into a ferocious smile, and to make her even more bad-ass looking, her left eye was covered by a black, u-shaped eye patch. Her vibrant red hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, exposing her similarly colored ear fins. Her muscular arms were crossed over the black tank-top paired with yoga pants she was wearing. Beside her was a small yellow lizard monster. Every few seconds she would adjust her wire framed glasses before going back to wringing her claws. Her short, stubby tail was curled around the black and white polka dotted dress she was wearing. Feeling your eyes on them, Frisk ran up and grabbed your hand, tugging you in the direction of the small group. Before you could introduce yourself, the fish monster spoke. 

 

“What’s your deal, punk?” 

 

“Huh?” You beautifully conveyed. She waved her hand, single eye rolling with sarcasm. 

 

“I mean, why are you doing all this? Why’re you helping us monsters?”  _ The fuck?  _

 

“Um, because A. I have bills I need to pay and B. Mettaton thought this would be a good fit for me?” She narrowed her eye and took a step closer to you, you held your ground. 

 

“Okay then, why did you help Papyrus and Frisk out back there? You didn’t have to do that.”  _ This fucking-right that’s it.  _

 

“If your talking about the fact that I just committed assault and could possibly be charged with a fine or hell,  _ jail time, _ it’s because Frisk and Papyrus are my friends who get a lot of unwarranted shit.” You took a step closer to her so the two of you were chest to chest, “And i’m not the kind of person who’s gonna put up with someone who’s all bark and no bite.” The fish monster stared at you for a moment, the two of you locked in a battle of wills, before she doubled over with laughter. _ What in the world? _

 

“Fuhuhuhuhu! I gotta hand it to you human, you’ve really got balls of steel!” You stared at her incredulously as she continued to cackle. Still chuckling, she straightened up and offered you her hand, which after a second of hesitation, you took. Her grip was incredibly strong. 

 

“Sorry about that, wanted to see if you were one of the good ones. I’m Undyne by the way and this is my girlfriend Alphys.” You retracted your hand and gave a small smile to Alphys who returned it, her’s being shakier and more tentative. 

 

“Y/N, and one of the good ones?” Undyne’s gaze hardened a bit.

 

“Yeah, got dealt some real scumbags over the past couple of months.” Judging by her reaction, it was a slightly sensitive topic. You decided not to pry. Instead, all five of you walked towards the table. Papyrus and Sans were already seated, with Toriel making some last minute adjustments. 

 

“So,” she said, clapping her paws together, “who is hungry?”

 

* * *

Needless to say, all of you were. Despite the large amount of food Toriel prepared, almost all of it was gone by the end of the afternoon. In fact, you only took home three sandwiches. You and Undyne talked about proper forms of defense training and you learned that she was working to get into the police academy, seeing as that was one of the few jobs where her experience as Captain of the Royal Guard would have come in handy. Once you both moved onto to the topic of shows to watch, Alphys came out of her metaphorical shell and gushed with the two of you about different animes. You ended up getting invited to one of their Anime Nights which wouldn’t be for a while though. But of course after overhearing you, Papyrus formally invited you to Spaghetti Night, which was every night apparently. Turns out that not only does Papyrus love cooking, he has a real fondness for puzzles, (Who knew?). Sans didn’t talk much about himself, only entering the conversation to throw in the occasional pun, which you were happy to reply to. Jamie eventually warmed up to everyone and got into a heated debate with Papyrus on the ethics of driving. Overall, you had a pretty good time. You were almost sad to have to leave, but the sun was beginning to set and Jamie needed to get home before your mother worried  _ too  _ much. 

 

After gaining everyone’s numbers and bidding farewell, you couldn’t help but reflect on when the last time you had so much fun was as you drove Jamie to the bus stop.  _ Too long ago.  _ If you hadn’t been so focused on your own thoughts, you would have noticed how uncharacteristically quiet Jamie was on the drive. As you pulled up next to the bus stop, he pulled you into a tight hug. 

 

“Thanks,” he mumbled into your shoulder.

 

“For what bro?”

 

“For….for being the best big sister in the world.” Without another word he gave you a peck on the cheek and hopped out of the car, waving to you as you pulled away. When you turned your eyes to the road, you missed the sad smile on his lips that was overcome with shadows as your tail lights disappeared in the distance. 

 

* * *

 

You were completely beat from all of the excitement of today. Plugging your phone into the wall you began stripping in preparation for a nice hot shower that you totally deserved. Letting the scalding water beat against your body allowed for your mind to wander.  _ I hope Jamie doesn’t get into too much trouble with mother. He would never tell me if things got bad though, but at least he came today. Sometimes, he reminds me so much of her. All that selflessness can’t be good for somebody.  _ You hadn’t even realized you were crying as you stepped out of the shower into the steam filled bathroom.  _ Damn, gotta stop living in the past. What’s done is done. _ You furiously scrubbed at your face in an attempt to get rid of more tears that were threatening to spill, causing your face to feel raw. 

 

Stepping out of the bathroom wearing nothing more than a towel, you were alerted to a new text message on your phone. You thought it was Jamie saying that he got home safely but it was the one person you had expected to text you the least. 

 

**The Sansational Skelly-Man** (8:56)

hey. i wanted to say thanks for stickin’ up for my bro today. 

 

**You** (9:00) 

No prob bob. Us big kids gotta stick together!

 

**The Sansational Skelly-Man** (9:02)

heh, yeah.

 

**You** (9:03)

If you ever need me for something, don’t be afraid to ask. K? Goodnight Sans. 

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**The Sansational Skelly-Man** (11:27)

g’night y/n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love them subtle introductions. Also some of my friends found out that I write fan-fiction so.....please pray for me.


	4. We're Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Undyne bond a bit.

_ “hey S̶̻̋̊̔͌̐͛͒̾͠͠ì̴̻̼̬͉̙̟̠̮̂ş̶̨̖̱̜͇̱͓̤͍̇̌̉̿ş̵̥̪̞̮̪̀͂͜y̵̢͗̆͊̍͗?" _

 

**“Yeah S̴̨̧̢̡͙̫͎͖̻̯̙̙͓͍̜͔̤͍̘̹̔͊̀͗̐̉̏̊̕̕͝ͅķ̶͔͓̲̤̝̳̣̟͓̭̦̰̩̮͖̖̜͂̿͌̃̽̂͘͜͜͜͜͝y̷̢̢̛̛̛̰͚͈̻̼͚͙̮͍̮̾͒͒́́̎͐̏̋̀̀̒̿̋̈̚͠?”**

 

**_“_ ** _ are we gonna be together forever?” _

 

**“Yeah kiddo,forever and ever. I won’t leave you.”**

 

_ “pinkie promise?” _

 

**“Heh. Pinkie promise.”**

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**_Y̶̭̓̑̓͆̔̉̂͊̂͑͘͝͝͝ ̸̱͍̲̭͕̲̙̪̜̖̖̽̾̎̉̈̏̍̕Ǫ̵͍̦͎̜̣̥̥̩̦͚̙̲̋̀̾͋̓̆̈́͑̃͘͜͠͠ ̴̥̘̜̠̻͓̥͕̰̦̹̹̯͐̍̓͘̚͘U̸̧̡̫͍̟̭͖̖͗̈̑͆̆̌͗̕͜͝͝ ̴̢̛̙͍̘͚̘̠̤̹̔̅̈́̈́̾̐̋̇͂̃̕͝ͅͅ ̴̠̹̝̰̻̩̔̄͒͒̒́͐̆̇̊͋͗̚͠ͅD̸͕̊̑̈́̆̍̔͋̓̎̕̚͝ ̷̛̩̘̘͎̂̇͆͗̕I̷͙̳̩͈̫̾̐̔̾̃͂ ̶̨͓̘̙͇̖͚̹̞̈́̕R̸͎̱̩̪͊̊̓̌̿͝ ̶̜̈́̾͐̔̌͒̎͛̈́̐̆͆͘̕T̷̺̜̟͖̣̥̐̋ ̵͍͉̏͐̊̈̑͝Y̶̡̛̛̺͎̘̱̜͈̪̟̻̯̜̗͗͋͆͜ ̴̢̣̺̥̹͖͕̘͍͎̣͍̂͑̾̏͑̒̽̃͒̕̕̚ ̷̨̨̣̙͇̩̻̦̤͉͚͙̞̥̇̇͊̀͆̃̀͑̌̕̕L̶̡̢̗̦̺̱̯̳̣̖̹̻̗͓͗̇̕ͅ ̶̻͈̭͙͛͋̅̄̄̇̄͜I̴͉̼̟̤̜̻̭͛̈́̑ ̷̢̟̹̰̊̈́͋̓̑̄̑A̷̧̺̘͓̮̋̀͐̈́̎̈́̀̕̕͝ ̶̝͗͝R̸̨̝̜̫̼̯̞͖̤͈̻̳̰̫̉̿̿̊̏̊̄͗̃͑̅̚_ **

 

It was two days after the picnic and you were chilling on your couch watching old talk-show reruns that you had recorded when your phone gave off a low ding from the coffee table it was situated on. You let out a loud sigh to express your displeasure at being interrupted to no one in particular. Swiping open your lock screen you were surprised to see who exactly was texting you.

 

**Fish Sticks** (2:07) 

 

Yo punk! Are you busy right now?

 

_ Huh, wonder what she wants.  _ Thinking that it couldn’t really be anything bad you responded rather quickly. 

 

**You** (2:08)

 

Nah, just sittin’ at home rn. Y?

 

**Fish Sticks** (2:08)

 

My usual sparring buddy is sick today, was wondering if you wanted to fill in for him?

 

**You** (2:09)

 

Sounds like fun. Where do u wanna meet up?

 

**Fish Sticks** (2:10)

 

Aaron’s Arena in 15. You are so going down punk!

 

Well this was certainly a surprise. You weren’t what you would call a master in the art of hand-to-hand combat, you knew enough to put up a fight and act as a distraction but that was about it. You were much better with a gun than your fists, but whatever. This would be good practice for you. And hey, maybe you would be on better terms with Undyne by the end of the day. At least, you hoped so.

  
  


The gym was a little difficult to find. From the outside, it looked like a renovated warehouse, the only decidedly different factor to separate it from the surrounding buildings was the logo ‘Aaron’s Arena’ in flashing green neon with flexing muscles punctuating the name. According to the summary you read up on while finding directions, it was owned and run by a monster by the name of Aaron. 

 

Stepping inside you were greeted by the sounds of clanking weights, grunting monsters and humans, and the stench of sweat and rubber. The gym’s interior was decorated with various shades of green and yellow, weight machines of all kinds scattered around the vast floor. The large windows tinted the light streaming through a faint peach shade, and from your position by the door, you could see a simple catwalk system reaching to all four corners of the gym, shaded figures observing the patrons below and fiddling with the large globe light fixtures placed at random intervals along the ceiling. 

 

But what really took the cake was what was in the very center of the building. True to the gym’s name, was an arena. A large circle made of firm mats, one side dyed yellow, the other green to match the color scheme. A small set of bleachers stood facing both the arena and the front doors. 

 

Whilst you were gawking, you heard someone awkwardly clearing their throat. Turning towards the sound you saw a wide desk with a small frog-like monster with white skin sitting on a stool behind it. His name tag read Froggit, and as you took a step closer they spoke.

 

“Ribbit. Excuse me miss, but do you have a membership to our gym? Ribbit.” Shit, you didn’t think of that. Unfortunately you weren’t familiar with this gym’s protocols, so you weren’t sure if you could just walk in like you were about to do.

 

“Um, no but i’m meeting someone who does.” 

 

“Ribbit. I’m sorry miss, but if you don’t have a membership we cannot allow you to-”

 

“There you are Punk!” The frog monster was cut off by a boisterous voice who, despite being on the other end of the gym, was able to make themselves be heard perfectly. At seeing the rapidly approaching Undyne, Froggit seemed to shrink into their seat and pale considerably. In a matter of seconds Undyne had arrived at your side, roughly slapping her webbed hand on your back as a form of greeting. Froggit’s eyes darted between you and the fish monster for a moment before settling on you. 

 

“Ribbit. O-on second thought, go right on in miss. Ribbit.” Without another word, Undyne was steering you towards the arena. That’s right, she wanted to spar with you. You figured she would be a good challenge, being Ex-Captain of the Royal Guard and all. 

 

You were brought out of your thoughts by the sound your sneakers meeting the mats with a protesting squeak. You took the green side as Undyne practically skipped over to the yellow patch, jogging in place once she reached it. 

 

“Any rules I should know about?” You begun stretching as a warm-up. She shrugged and followed your lead.

 

“Nah, just no magic, which you don’t need to worry about, or dirty moves, biting, kicking, etc.” You nodded in acknowledgment before sliding into a defensive pose. A cocky grin split Undyne’s face, showcasing a row of yellowed razor sharp teeth. 

 

“You’re going down Punk!” Before she could finish the sentence she was rushing you, fist pulled backed to clock you directly in the face. You ducked, causing her to overshoot, almost out of the arena, before she slammed her foot into the mats, using her heel as a brake and to spin her around to face you again. 

 

“Heh, not bad Punk. But you can’t dodge forever!” She was right you couldn’t. Time to switch tactics. Rather than trying to avoid Undyne’s attack, you simply let it glance your side, the sheer force behind it almost causing you to topple but you quickly righted yourself. You were now close enough to land a few quick blows, what they lacked in force they had in quantity. Undyne grunted before making a grab at you, making you jump away. The fight continued like this, you taking a heavy hit or two, getting in close, dealing in a few yourself, then Undyne causing you to back off. 

 

That is, until Undyne tried something else. When you came in, she feigned a hit in on your right only to sweep out your legs, causing you to hit the mat with a resounding ‘thump’. As soon as you were down she was on you, crushing the air out of your lungs while her thighs created a makeshift cage, effectively pinning you to the mat. You attempted to knee her in the gut but that was about as easy and comfortable as kicking a brick wall. 

 

Reluctantly you tapped the mat after a few seconds of fruitless struggling, signaling that she won the fight. With a 'Whoop' Undyne hopped up and proceeded to lap the gym in a “Victory Run.” As you lay there on the arena, staring up at the ceiling while trying to gain some semblance of control of your ragged breathing, your vision was filled with the face of a grinning fish monster holding two towels. 

 

“You were pretty good punk!” Undyne tossed you a towel which you gratefully accepted to dry up the waterfall of sweat you were producing. As you were mopping your brow you missed the thoughtful look on her face. 

 

“Hey.” You looked up with an arched brow. Undyne’s voice was much more subdued than it normally was.  _ Did I do something wrong?  _

 

“I….I’m, uh, sorry about before. Y’know, when we first met and all. You were just trying to help and I got angry with you for like, no reason.” Her single eye was averted and her ear fins dropped slightly. Oh, so she was feeling bad about before. You figured that one of you would’ve brought it up eventually but not this soon. Despite that you were glad the two of you were going to talk it out, but a sad Undyne? That wouldn’t do at all.

 

You snapped your fingers to gain her attention. “Hey, don’t worry about it. You were protecting your friends from a stranger. I can’t blame you for something like that ‘Dyne. The past is in the past, we can’t change what we did back then, only what we do right now.” You held out your hand for a fist bump.

 

“And right now? I’m saying we’re cool.” She looked like she wanted to say something, but you cut her off with a shake of your hand, still held aloft and waiting. Then like a switch, her shoulders straightened and the gloating gleam of her eye returned. With enough force to bowl over an elephant, Undyne bumped her fist with yours. Or more likely destroyed it. 

 

“Yeah Punk, we’re cool.” Just then, her phone rang. The scowl on her face softened once she read the caller i.d. 

 

“Hey Babe.” Undyne answered with a tenderness you would have deemed impossible of her as you cradled your possibly broken hand. There was a small pause as Alphys, who you assumed was Babe, relayed whatever information she had, you chose this opportunity to finish cleaning your face. 

 

“I’ll be there soon okay? Alright, love you too Alphy.” Undyne then flipped her phone close and pocketed it.

 

“Sorry but I totally forgot I needed to pick Alphys up from the university where she works soon. But hey! Today was awesome, we should totally do it again some time. Well, see ya later punk!” She then ran out the front doors, almost knocking them off their hinges, her pounding footsteps on the sidewalk fading into the distance, leaving you sitting there on the floor of a gym arena. 

 

You shook your head in disbelief, a small raspy chuckle leaving your raw throat.  _ Monsters are so weird sometimes.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter was pretty short, but after the last one being the length of a damn memoir I was like "I need a smol boi in my life." So here we are!


	5. An Invitation: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet somebody at the grocery store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter ended up being super long so I decided to split it up a bit with this being the first part and all. Comments and feedback is always appreciated. Catch ya later!

 

Dammit it all to hell. 

 

That was the only thing running through your head as you stared vacantly into your empty pantry. Aside from old plastic bags you collected for all sorts of things and a half empty box of saltines, it was a barren wasteland. And that could mean only one thing….

 

Food shopping.

 

Just thinking about it left an unpleasant chill in the air. The place where hopeful teens go to have their dreams crushed, white suburban moms drag their small gremlins around, and all the old people go into the fast checkout lane with more than twelve items. Finding food for yourself was difficult enough what with your habit of cramming anything with some semblance of grease into your mouth despite needing to be in pretty good physical condition. It was one of your all-time guilty pleasures, right next to watching talk-shows and cooking reruns. 

 

But as much as you hated food shopping it was only one out of two of your options. Because nothing noteworthy was occurring that required your position as a bodyguard, you spent your days inside browsing the web or whatever interested you at the time. Which gave you time for your thoughts to wander…. Regardless, it was either go out and use your savings to buy nutritional necessities for the next week or so, or stay inside and dwell on less than savoury thoughts….

 

* * *

 

“Sweet, or sour.  _ Sweet  _ or  _ sour _ .” The man with greying hair was simultaneously holding up a jar of sweet and sour pickles respectively. For the past three minutes while you try to fruitlessly (Heh) find that damn can of corn you need this guy’s been going at it. And he was here  _ before  _ you showed up. If he doesn’t pick a type in the next thirty seconds you would probably resort to something drastic, like picking for him. Okay not the most hardcore thing to think of but damn if you weren’t desperate for this dude to piss off already.  _ I know that I tried this trick once, but if there is any being in the universe that could possibly grant mercy on my soul and at  _ **_least_ ** _ get this  _ _ loud jackass  _ _ nice gentleman to pick his options in a more quiet manner, now would be the time to use that incredibly specific ability.  _

 

It seems you were wearing your ‘Answered Odd Prayers’ pants today because sounding like a choir of angels came-

 

“HUMAN BODYGUARD I HAD NO IDEA YOU FREQUENTED THIS ESTABLISHMENT!” Ah yes, the choir of screaming angels has arrived. Craning your neck to the side and up, you were greeted with the sight of a very joyful skeleton. Papyrus was wearing very bold leopard print pants along with a red shirt. It was edited to say “SUPER COOL DUDE” in all caps. Pair that with the gloves/boots/scarf combo he was wearing when you first met him, he was very easy to recognize. Seeing such a boisterous person, you couldn’t fight the small smile that crept onto your face.  

 

“Hey Papyrus, it’s good to see you again.” He seemed to puff up at that, his scarf blowing in the...wind. (Air Conditioner)?

 

“OF COURSE IT IS HUMAN BODYGUARD, IT IS ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO TALK TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” Now, coming from anyone else, that would’ve seemed super narcissistic. But with Papyrus, it was actually pretty endearing. Damn, you were already starting to get attached to the guy.  Doesn’t help he acts like her too. 

 

Your smile quickly twisted into a frown when you heard a quiet scoff in the opposite direction that you were facing your skeletal friend. Peering out of the corner of your eye, you spotted the same man you were wishing had left was still standing there. And while he wasn’t facing you directly, you could see his eyes were crinkled in the corners as if he just ate something sour. Apparently you weren’t the only one who noticed because Papyrus deflated slightly, his grin becoming just a tad bit smaller. 

 

“Hey Papyrus?” An idea was forming in your mind.

 

“Y-YES HUMAN BODYGUARD?” His voice was tinted with nervousness as he eyed Pickle Man warily. 

 

“I’m havin’ trouble finding some of the things on my list,” not a total lie, “do ya think you can help me find some of it?” It was like he became a different person. His smile became wide and genuine, and his eye sockets seemed to sparkle with happiness. 

 

“OF COURSE HUMAN BODYGUARD, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WOULD BE HONORED TO ASSIST YOU IN YOUR FOOD SHOPPING ENDEAVORS!” Oh my God he’s too pure for this world. 

 

Quick as a whip he grabbed you under the armpits, eliciting a small squeak from you, and set you gently into the child seat of his cart. He placed your hand-held basket in the undercarriage before grabbing onto the handle bar of the cart and zooming off like a rocket. It seemed the only items he had were varying types of pasta and sauce. Despite being in the the kiddie chair, you were surprisingly comfortable. 

 

“SO HUMAN BODYGUARD, WHAT ARE THE ITEMS YOU NEED MY HELP IN ACQUIRING?” 

 

“Well, I need a loaf of bread, a can of sweet corn, some chicken nuggets, a bottle of Ginger Ale, and some ice cream.” Papyrus immediately steered the cart in the direction of the soda isle. 

 

“Oh, and you can call me by my name if you want Papyrus.” The cart jerked to a stop as the tall skeleton monster looked at you with wide sockets. 

 

“DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT HUMAN?” You nodded decisively. Papyrus looked so happy you could see small specks of orange-ish fluid in the corners of his sockets. Were….were those tears?

 

“WOWIE, HU-I MEAN, Y/N, I WILL TRY MY HARDEST TO BE THE BESTEST FRIEND THERE EVER WAS!” You chuckled a little bit. He reminded you of a puppy that had just gotten rewarded for doing some tricks. It was pretty cute.

 

“I know you’ll do great Paps.” You didn’t think he could get anymore excited but low and behold he looked like you just gave him a winning lottery ticket. 

 

“GASP.” (Did he just say ‘gasp’)?

 

“WE ARE ALREADY USING NICKNAMES?! TRULY OUR FRIENDSHIP KNOWS NO BOUNDS!” This was only your second time hanging out with him but Papyrus was really growing on you. 

 

“You bet. Now are you ready to do some shopping?” 

 

With the enthusiasm and energy only someone like Papyrus or a child on cocaine could have you commenced your grocery shopping. It was fun, a real shocker. Papyrus always had something to say, whether it was about certain brands, the organization of the food, or even the store as a whole. The commentary was nice, he even got you to laugh a few times with things like “EGGS CAN COME IN DIFFERENT COLORS!?” You managed to get your list done twice as fast, and even added a few more things into your basket at Papyrus’s insistence. 

 

By the time the two of you had rolled up to the check-out, you were as giddy as a school girl. Who knew you could have so much fun when doing something so….domestic. 

 

Still in the cart, Papyrus moved the two of you up so that you were directly in front of the cashier. He looked to be about sixteen, (eighteen?), with unruly blond hair that covered his eyes partially. He was tapping away on his phone with a unhurried expression. His eyes drooping tiredly around the angry pimples covering his face.

 

Since Papyrus was busy laying out all the food you two had collected, it was your job to get the cashier’s attention. You cleared your throat loudly, earning you a long and heavy sigh, before the teen raised his chocolate brown eyes to meet your own. He looked like the embodiment of ennui. 

 

Without a word he began to swipe your items. (Papyrus had been considerate enough to separate your shopping baskets and put yours first). It would have been an awkward silence had Papyrus not begun to strike up a conversation about the fine arts of cooking pasta with a nice elderly lady behind him. But otherwise, you and Ennui Boy didn’t speak. In a way you were grateful, considering the fact that you were still seated inside the shopping cart. That would’ve been weird to explain. ‘Hey, any reason why your in a kid’s seat?’ Yeah-no thank you. 

 

Soon you were finished and swiping your card as payment. Quickly loading your bags into the cart as Papyrus switched to having conversation with the teen. If the kid was surprised to see a monster he didn’t show it. Then again, this  _ was  _ one of the few public stores that originally catered to humans and later monsters. So it wouldn’t be too surprising to see a few monsters here and there. 

 

Papyrus managed to finish even faster than you did despite having double the amount of food, or rather, pasta. But as he was wheeling the two of you out the automatic doors, you noticed he was fidgeting slightly. 

 

“Hey, Papyrus? Is something wrong?” He stopped the cart by the drop-off zone and began to fiddle with his scarf.

 

“HUMAN FRIEND Y/N. I….I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO COME TO MY PASTA NIGHT EXTRAVAGANZA TONIGHT. Y-YOU DON’T HAVE TO IF YOUR BUSY I JUST WANTED TO OFFER BECAUSE YOUR MY FRIEND AND FRIENDS HAVE FUN TOGETHER AND I WANTED TO BE A GOOD-.” 

 

“I would love to Paps.” You cut him off with your answer. This sweet cinnamon role wanted to have you over for dinner. How could you say no?

 

“WOWIE WE’RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN FRIEND Y/N!” He looked so excited, Papyrus was practically vibrating. It was then that you realized something. With a sheepish grin you looked up at your friend whose sockets were sparkling with happiness.

 

“Hey, uh, Paps? I think i’m….I think i’m stuck.”

  
  
  



	6. Discontinued

Heya guys and gals.

 

So for a number of reasons I am going to be discontinuing I'd Take a Bullet For You. 

 

I started this project with no real ending in mind and rather than give you guys some half-assed story I feel it's better to put this up on the shelf until I can gain inspiration for this again, which may happen never. On that note though, if any one of you talented writers out there feel interested in using this idea for your own, go for it. Writing is all about taking something someone else created and making it your own, giving it a little spin or a few tweaks. So if anyone wants to use any part of my story in their own, or perhaps even continue from where I left off with their own end goal in mind, you have my express permission to do so. All I ask is that you comment below a link or the title so I can read it for myself :).

 

With that, IDTABFY is officially shelved. 

 

Good luck ladies and gents. 

 

_salty_limeade

**Author's Note:**

> Updates Every Other Weekend!


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